Any Advice for Give and Take?

What does it take? You give a part of you, share your insight, pray for the best, and still the result is defying. What does it take? We share so much with others and have simple expectations that doesn't cost but a little time, a voice, a word, a smile and its like asking a bird to fly backwards. 

Givers don't have much to share but they give all the time. Takers will manipulate the situation and then make excuses why they don't return the favor. I'm at wit's end, trying to find a balance between give and take. Is there something you can share? How do you handle the give and take when you're the giver? What do you tell someone when you take and have no interest in returning? 

I'm all ears because it's supposed to be a balance in the game. I give and receive. You take and return. It's that it seems. 

One Day at a Time

When you're doing the right thing, you get this enormous feeling of accomplishment, even though you haven't quite climbed the mountain. 

It's all effort and efficiency, going the extra mile for tomorrow's return. I think you have to invest in yourself at all cost. Being independent, now I get the quest of finishing college. It's about the investment in yourself, doing something no one else can take from you. I see the benefits of finishing. 

Take a look at yourself and see what you need to do. Assess your value and look at the future you'd like to achieve. Take the next step after you complete your assessment. GO DO IT and take charge of your life. 

I'm doing it, one day at a time. You should be too. 

Readers Readers Readers

The journey finding new readers is a tough walk. What we do to market and win as a writer is selling your soul, hopefully to the right deity. In my case it's working show after show, meeting all sorts of great people, and trying to have fun along the way. I'm on the path and excited to get things going, winning readers one by one. 

If you have ideas on how I can win another reader, or if you've read my novels and told a friend, then drop me a line and share the detail or response. I'm all ears and happy you told someone. 

They say, word of mouth is the best marketing tool. Well, I"m doing what it takes to make the story exciting enough so you can shout from the window. Yes, I mean shout because the novel I created touched you in a way ..... You Had to Tell!!! 

A Cyber Affair - Kirkus Review

Excellence ratings is not given for simply showing up. The evaluation is earned and often after multiple attempts to get it right. Here's what I think is an excellent rating, good enough to make you think about reading A Cyber Affair. 

" Cook delivers an efficient romance that captures the realities of dating in the modern world. Anyone who’s been on a bad date will nod in recognition..." Kirkus Review.

It's up to you to enjoy the book when it's released but I suggest you do it early. Others will comment on the story and before long, we'll see this on a best seller list. 

It's a Mission not Worth Suspicion

What you think is happening, its usually not, except when you get indicators of truth. It sounds crazy but people can't assume to know everything when nothing is in front of them. Some people say behavior is questionable on the suspicious, but who defines suspicion. Well it's the perception based on taught definitions. 

You know there's another world where people do what is needed and keeps things quiet. These folks get the job done and never need to submit or share their actions. It's the clandestine types who make the world a different place. Often, it's those people who keep life exciting and cause insecurities. Why? Because they do what's needed and forget about others who believe in suspicions. 

The bottom line is not telling whats happening for those in need. When the need arise, usually they are the first to know, otherwise trust that your loved one returns in one piece and at peace. It's a clandestine operation going, so don't worry, he/she will return all the better. 

The Snapshot

Blog here.I walked into the room and gazed, sizing up the place. I saw one of the most beautiful people, and without being obvious, I took a good look at her presentation. I blinked, shuttered my eyes once, like a camera- click. I took the snapshot, categorized it and placed it in archive. 

Haven't you seen something impressive and didn't have the will to pull out the trusty phone and take a snapshot? What was the other way of remembering? The mental snip of a moment in time. You saw it, took a snapshot, and put it in your memory. Is it normal behavior to put things or people in your memory from a glance? 

I'm told taking a snapshot of a person is rude. Looking at someone that impresses you is disrespectful if you're in a relationship. But if it's a car, you're okay, especially if your counterpart gets to use it. However the safe snapshots are of clothes (not on the body), a building, a location, or a scene (not a nude beach). 

I'm also told, since men have slow cameras, women have the ability to blink their eyes and take snapshots of multiple items. Oh, they recall the sexy man that flashed in front of them, and kindly make a feature closeup to recall. Even though she may not like what a man does, she's more keen at observation without her counterpart understanding what happened. Is this really the way women capture important moments? 

 We take snapshots of things all the time. Depending on what it is and how it impresses, we'll take in whatever detail our eyes reveal, tag it, and archive it for retention and recall. We will hold onto the snapshot and catalog it in one of our folders for best to worst. 

Sometimes we unintentionally take snapshots of things we don't want to remember, but even when that happens, we're still at wits end on how women are better at it.    

Great Looking Profile Picture

She did it again. She found a guy on a dating site with looks of a seduction. The appearance a typical woman calls the hunk of life, worth procreating. Her smile wasn't simply a facial expression, it was also the spark to fingers dancing across the keys of her laptop. She wrote the introduction surely to break the ice and positive it would get a response, despite anyone else who'd written. 

Her dynamic pitch won his response, and it made her jump from her seat. Thrilled before reading the note, she went to her inner corner for control. It was a minute of pacing before she thought to return to her laptop and open the response. She clicked the link and waited for the print. She read the first line and was surely surprised. She raised an eye because the first line was not the response a person would write. It was a line from a jerk. 

Her disappointment made her sore, like the moment someone stomps a toe. The pain was sharp and critical with the idea of hope and excitement popped. Her moment of thrill went to something more of her coffee spill, and the mess was quick to pick up. 

Isn't it true for many who surf the net, that looks are more of an alluring net. Most pictures are fake of the person behind the keys, especially when the response is for nude pictures or sex scenes. Why would anyone believe, a person with awesome looks and the best content is hard to catch a date? 

Drove Six Hours On A Dare

She dared him to visit. Dared him I said. Who does that? When would a logical man take on a dare to visit a woman who lives six hours on a drive? I said logical and there's the operative word. 

They met online and started what is considered an innocent conversation. The chats lasted 15 - 20 minutes and maybe once or twice a week. But in between chats were emails that made it to an inbox everyday. What can a person write on a daily basis? A logical man, has ideas but everyday...Logical is the operative word. 

The online connection grew, one night the conversation lasted five hours. By the time they stopped, it was their morning alarms sounding for the new day. They didn't video each other but the interest blared like the needed fire on a winter's day. 

It was a second night, five to six hours, online chatting, exclusively making a connection, unique to each other. No interest in visits, not even a quest to video, but one click my move of the mouse, and wham there's the camera live and he's in video. 

She didn't hesitate to join, and with a swift click he was surprised. It was non stop to looking, searching without starring, looking without noticing, but comfort played their air. Sunrise and lamps, transitioned the tone, seeing what was their first was the elegance past the norm. 

This went on for weeks, day in night out, or night in and day out. I told him to slow down and pace what can be only a dream. Like he listened past YO Dude; and I found him online again. 

Three months in and yesterday, she finally called his cell. He asked me what should he do, she's six hours south of here. Something isn't right don't you think? Why not meet half way? She can't he said, because it's visit with trust and on my turf I'm safe. It made me think and on neutral ground wouldn't they both be safe? 

The last he said before he filled his tank.. Man she punked me to come down. She said, Be a man and not some runt. We've talked and videoed for months. You know me and I like you. Show me what a proud man can do. 

I heard his engine roar, and what logic I thought he had, was swept in a dare. It's not logical to make that trek, not for someone who only videos and chat. If they aren't game to meet half way, then I would say its something fishy or an item to fear. Why would anyone drive six hours on a dare? 

What's the Difference?

You sift through pages, scan  profiles, and make funny faces on the people you reject. You, the one and only person in control, have selectively marked the good, the bad, and the most assuring ugly,  based on a personal checklist of standards. Yep, your standards. 

Online you are a kid in the candy store, in  search of the perfect piece of sugary delight you can afford. You scrounge around bin after bin for that mouthwatering buzz if fructose laden goodness, like something your mom or grandmom created. You discover the mouth watering tidbit of excellence, and the best thing of all, it's based on your defining moment when you put the 'creme de la creme' in your mouth.  

What makes this candy store assessment true, is defining the good candy. You look at the best candy apple, perfect green candy cover, and round red fruit on a Popsicle stick, automatically striking memories of your youth. The standard you now hold as what a candy apple should resemble. You  assume it mouthwatering good. 

And yet the example of the candy apple applies to the profile you're examining. Funny how you hold high standards on a person's profile, than when you're six feet away. Is it you being picky about his looks, or i it the way his picture throws you a feel for  the personality you would like for future interaction? 

You even pretend to be the candy apple of perfection when it comes to your profile. You choose either the best picture your friends acknowledge as being hot, or you put the slimming picture in that favorite party dress from six years ago, as your current profile picture. Yes, you can't even find the dress anymore.  

Is is me, or is it common that everyone online play as the bin of delicious candy? 

To some extent, we catch bees with honey. But how is honey in our reality?

Heck, it's not our reality at all. For many of us, we pretend to be someone we aren't online. We fake it to catch the person we wish to have. Yet, the best man or woman who may be an awesome companion is sitting six feet away. You should return that smile he's/she's giving. What the hell, you'll a least you'll indulge in a conversation and know why online is better. 

Marriage or Nothing

You found a specimen, the perfect person in pixels, with a collaborating description and spot on distance. As a woman, you want to break the ice and your profile says a lot. As a matter of fact, you pride yourself on blissful honesty. You let him know, and everyone else, that you're in search of marriage. It's the only reason you're online, 

Yes, it works being so up front and sharing your objective. Its like the yellow flashing sign in a busy roadway intersection. Before he responds he needs to know, its all or nothing. You got it, up front and honest. 

One line after the other, you meticulously create an introduction in addition to the thousand characters you shared at the time you opened the account. You shared your dreams, your fears, and your hopes for a companion. And still with brutal honesty about your objective and why you're online. You're finish, and now it's the tap sending the icebreaker hopeful of a lifetime. 

Click, and it's gone! Your reach to a total stranger is now in cyber space, hopefully landing on a page who's owner is as honest as apple pie. It's your chair squeaking from the nervous energy of anticipation. It startles you to believe your insightful and detailed message is right and effective as an icebreaker. Like many have said to me before, "I want him to know what I want and need. Why mess around. Either he wants to or he doesn't."

You know what's bad about the scenario?

It's the perception you sent specifics about you to an honest stranger. He knows you want wedding plans, and don't have time to play (dating anyone) as your objective is to make it happen. Hey, you wrote it plain as day. So don't get angry when it returns with exactly what you seek. 

I said he responds with what you seek. The man is committing to you via email and agrees to focus on marriage. Right off the bat, he doesn't know you from Adam, but plays into your mind as if, he's the real deal. He writes you an in depth explanation on why he wants marriage and cares less about dating. He's willing to meet you, tomorrow and make the connection real. As a matter of fact, he's sending you his physical address to show proof. 

Without a second thought, you're jumping for joy with a smile of success. No dating to worry about, let's get this party started. 

Sounds lovely - right?  Sure it does up to the point you realize he's responding to exactly to your brutal honestly. He's playing up to you, because you are so determined to find that guy. He's doing whatever it takes to get you out of your money. Yes, I said it...out of your money. 

Men prey on women who swears to know the ropes of online dating. Some men, not all, will say the right things, entertain, and persuade because you give them the fuel they need. Your brutal honesty tells them how to maneuver into your life's savings. Or play on your loneliness, and have you look beyond common sense. Its about your emotions and you gave him the key. 

Stop saying you want marriage right off the bat to total strangers. Stop giving your inner thoughts as brutal honesty. Start saying friendship and fun, so expectations are exactly that, friendship and fun. Who starts a relationship without being friends, specifically with the objective of marriage? 

I'll never understand why marriage is so important as your objective.  

Surfing for Ms or Mr Right

Loneliness sets in and you find yourself uneasy, pacing around the house as if your path will crystallize a companion. The SS Enterprise didn't beam someone to your location, simply because in your mind you demanded one. No, its not quite the way things work these days. 

Like anything else, it's going to take effort to beam up your interest. You don't call on the Enterprise, instead you grab your laptop, tap your mouse, and viola a dating website is starting at you. Its the best picture ads of gorgeous people, pulling you in like a fly to honey. 

Okay, if you're anything like me, you click on a gender just to see if good looks are common place on the website. One, two, three great looks and you are in the search. 

You are surfing wave after wave of profiles, great looks, nice revelation, some you wish to meet and others you quickly discard. What's the criteria for your search? I think it's the same as being in person. We have standards, at a minimum, and the exploration to find a companion, rather online or not, remains the same; looks, character, attitude, and hobbies. 

 What makes it online is  hopefully no different than meeting in person. Online you get to explore  their profile without them knowing it. Its like your investigative nature surfaces and periodically you refer to your checklist of acceptance. Look at his picture, is he smiling or with six pack abs. Is he dressed for the night on the town or is he bummed for the beach? Whatever grabs, is what you accept. 

Looks can be deceiving and  pictures you view are leading you to find out if the person is real. If the pictures are actual or are they super imposed? Look carefully because the next step is a huge one. 

Anytime you meet someone and there's nothing but the appearance, you look for something more to hold your attention. You know, the mind is a terrible thing if wasted. And for your next check on the list of eligibility, is evaluating the way someone writes. 

If you can't read their thoughts, how on earth will you converse? Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but when you're out and you can't communicate, beauty becomes a side bar to fostering a belief he/she's an impostor. 

I've known a lot of gorgeous people, really exciting and attractive. That was until they opened their mouth  and words, that should have made sense, shocked me into oblivion. You can't carry a conversation outside of sexual intercourse. Or it's someone without an opinion on current social events. The lack in their ability makes you wonder, why why why!

Finding Ms or Mr Right online is difficult, but can be fun, especially if you don't mind surfing for hours. The search alone will take you through the night if you allow it. Besides, if you're satisfied with reading profile after profile, and  if pictures speak volumes, you realize you aren't in the twilight zone. You are surfing a dating website. 

Remember, only reach to people you think may have something in common and don't give yourself away to quickly. If you do, I'm sure the "catfish" will prevail.  

The Voice of Reason

There is victory when you find out your perceptions were right. It's the gut feeling you have that draws, the sixth sense giving you a nudge telling you the opposite of what's shown is true. The message is almighty in it's simplicity and yet stimulating when the visual is exactly as you perceived. 

With eyes closed and silence, you give yourself a chance to listen to your inner-self. Yes the voice of more than reason. It's like you're on the receiving end of a galactic  message, where the voice is known only by you, and heard by the spirit inside. It's that voice who never leads you down a rotten path. Or its the message sender warning you of danger ahead. You know it, and realize when you don't listen or adhere it's a detrimental event. 

If you know I'm right, and agree, share your experience. Tell me when your voice directed you and your actions didn't adhere to the warning. I bet you have a story. I'd love you to share. 

The Online Search for Mr. Right

You can't imagine the way she moved, slight with the hand, furious with the finger. It's as if she has a nervous tick with the right forefinger. Her tapping makes the profile pictures flash across the screen. 

It's how people find their one, the promise of tomorrow, the white picket fence opportunity, spread across the world. What was a chance meeting is now a calculated analysis, with an evaluation that bankers use to approve loans. Looks, charm in writing, clean pictures, attitude, and availability, has to be flames to ignite the candle of desire. If the profile is clean as a whistle, then breaking the ice becomes a click to a screen where either you select an ice breaker or you write a personal note. 

It's all good these days. It's safe where you are less likely to fumble the impression. It's not a place where your bad night or moment is reflected, nor is it an immediate rejection. Online, your first impression is done for you, and your ice breaker is pre-packaged to extend interest. It beats the hell out of waiting for a man to approach, or you entering the personal space of a guy who may be gay. 

Online dating is where cyber space offers a break from the effort of dressing up and going out. It's a chance to interact before the real interaction. You get to determine if or will with the profile content and a boat load of pictures. 

Of course there's always a catch to finding the perfect mate online. You better hope he's a Jelly Bean instead of a Catfish. 

You know what I mean. 

A Cyber Affair Novel 

Print to Movie

How many authors get to see their novel become a movie? It's an amazing feat, like climbing the Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado Springs, Colorado for the first time. Or, it's similar to seeing the Garden of the Gods and read how Native Americans worshiped on those red mountains. Its a feeling that you're almost in gold, or as happy when finding that one piece of coin at the ocean floor, shinny doubloons sparkling through your underwater mask. 

The first time you see your imagination come to life, its actually nerve wrecking. You want people watching to feel the same as when readers sat with intensity page after page. You want viewers to laugh at your creative snap lines, and cry with an aw during those touching moments. When some do and other's don't, you cringe and slump into your chair. 

For me it's fortunate that most people enjoyed watching A Choice to Yield movie. For those who read the novel, it was re-living curled up with an entertaining read. And to me, people who laughed or smiled leaving the theater gave me a rush of accomplishment. 

The only bad thing about your book becoming a movie is the same bad feeling as writing a book. As the author, you hope more people read your work. As a movie screen writer, it's the same desire that more people watch the movie. 

Now you know 

Watch A Choice to Yield Movie on Amazon or Vimeo. Here's a link  

Exploring for Dates Online

What was the norm in dating is now similar to a time dinosaurs roamed the earth. Meeting in public, or at the office are still prime opportunities, but its less likely. Why? Because we're connected to cyber space nearly 24 hours a day. 

Even when people interact in person, they somehow find a way to bring their cell phone, iPad, or laptop into the conversation, and quickly transition their focus from the conversation to their hand held device. 

What's the best way of meeting a companion? Well, it's like the beast from the East. It's in cyber space. You can search profiles through numerous dating websites, read relationship  ideas, and quantify your decision to drop a note or click good bye. It's  a wish and a dream to get it right. 

The traditional way of meeting a dating opportunity is clicking through profile after profile and getting a feel for someone who may show up for the dance. 

Good luck!